How I came to be a leftist

I became a leftist relatively late. I was about 20 years old, I left my parents’ house and temporarily lived with a friend in the Turkish district of Nuremberg, until I found my own apartment. A family of gay body-builders lived upstairs, and I was forced to hide from them — neighbors had a bad character and could inform the landlady of the apartment that she had an unregistered tenant. A few weeks of my life were filled with drugs and rock and roll with neofolk wave, I discovered the Solomenie Enoti and Captain Beefheart, I listened to Grazhdanskaya Oborona and Current 93 in a completely new way, Cooperativn Nishtyak and The Legendary Pink Spots, Reverend Beatman and Adaptacia, The Church of Childhood and Death in June, The New York Dolls and Timur Mucuraev.

And I also became leftist.

There was a championship whether it was the world, or the European football, Turkey was playing, so our district was exulting, the streets were littered with garbage, and the cars were decorated with national flags of different countries. My friend and I did not like football and football patriotism, but this celebration was aggressively torn into our house, it filled us with fear and disgust, in the cries of the crowd we could hear a threat, and the flags decorated cars seemed swastika to us. We closed the windows, cracked tins of beer, and turned on Reverend Beatman. After listening to the preacher-satanist, we realized that one beer is not an option.

That moment I still did not know that I would be left soon.

In the refrigerator were two portions of hallucinogenic fungi mexican cubensis. We planned to eat them at the stadium where Hitler spoke to his associates, in order to force the SS spirits to appear and bring them to justice. But suddenly, in a flash, we decided to abandon the conceived occult ritual and eat mushrooms right now, in violation of all rules, after beer, after football frenzy in the street, after the satanic sermon.

«In the name of the good of all living beings», said my friend and teacher far from Buddhism, «for the sake of the good of living beings», I repeated, and we began to eat mushroom. After 20 minutes, the effect of psilocybin began to be felt. Until then, I had experienced only the seeds of the Hawaiian rose containing lsa. If they allow you to look into the higher worlds through the window, then psilocybin widely opens the door to a different reality. This time it was not even a door, but a gate.

And the gates will swing open
The magic ringing of the brook.
Beautiful gurias’ bright face
You’ll meet there, shahid…

Yes, we were in that trip with the songs of Timur Mutsurayev. I do not know if the Chechen dark-folker would use his creativity for drug addicts, Satanists and blasphemers, but very often the work is much deeper than its author. It was Mucuraev that at that time unwittingly became our guide to a different reality.

I also became a leftist, thanks to Mucuraev.

I did not see paradise and guriy, instead I stared at the carpet and little fluffy dwarfs told me about their troubles and problems, I gave them some wise advice in a language I did not know, in their world there was happiness and I was happy with them. I could have become their lord, but I did not want to command, I wanted to be the same furry gnome and live with them, and I became a gnome, settled in a carpet and lived many wonderful lives for the description of which there are no human words, because people are too rude and clumsy.

And then I went back into the room and looked at the stain on the wall, and this spot became God, and I dissolved into this spot and also became God, and my dancing buddy became God, and all my dead friends, relatives and pets started talking to me and they were a part of me, and then I realized that there is no death, because there is no time, and there is no higher entity above us, for all living things are the highest essence…

And soon I became a leftist.

The pure divine light was caught again in a physical shell, I began to painfully grow flesh, my hands appeared and they grabbed a book lying on the floor. It was the book of the rightist ideologist Julius Evola, «Regarding Ernst Jünger’s «The Workerr», but I did not open the book itself, I looked at the cover where the worker was clutching a hammer in his hands, he called me to stand side by side to fight. Yes, it was a worker from a fascist poster, but he did not tell me about fascism, he was talking about something else. He called me to fight for peace, where I do not have to eat mushrooms, for a few hours to realize myself as God, for a world where I do not have to lock windows to protect myself from the surrounding reality, for a world where the highest truth will not hide inside a dirty spot on wall.

So I became a leftist.

Original text here


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